I Drank Too Much

The high-functioning alcoholic might have a high-powered job, strong finances, and an intact family, but...

I drank too much and one more time I swore it wouldn’t happen, ever again

But I lived for it and I planned for it and I really thought it helped to keep me going

I liked to drink alone and numbly ponder the darkness of the night

It did not matter if times were good or bad, for I drank happy and I drank sad

It helped me to hurt those who tried to love me and to despise myself as well

I drank too much but would not see that it really didn’t do me any good at all

I made sure I had a good supply even if I did not plan my meals too well

In my mind I had controlled it by letting it take control of me

I drank every day and twice on Saturdays and even more on holidays

I never missed a day of work and that’s how I measured my success

I planned my activities to leave plenty of time to spend simply drinking

I enjoyed vodka, wine, scotch and beer in their own true seasons

I sometimes awoke devoid of memories with an all-pervading sense of guilt

My head would ache and my muscles would be sore and that I called the flu

I drank too much and spent my time with others who did the same

I learned to sleep it off a while in my car before driving back towards home

I would drink with women and that made it easy to brush them off like flies

I could always pay my bills and I was never dirty, homeless and mumbling out loud

I liked to drink right before bedtime and then pass out for a while

I was a good member of the defiant class of working alcoholics

I drank too much and though I always knew, I tried not to give a damn

I would drink before going out, to save a little money

Later on I really straightened out and only drank away the weekends and holidays

Not a bit less did I live just to crawl down somewhere deep inside of the bottle

I bought the largest containers of liquor and it made me feel thrifty and secure

I would hate it when I would remember arriving somewhere but not driving home

I’d take my vitamins, ibuprofen, water and exercise to try and kill the hangovers

I never blamed anything on anybody, I knew my problems were my own

I drank too much but now I find, much to my surprise, I can’t drink so much at all