When did it really hit you?

when did you realize you knew not where you came from

             and that it made no sense to ask where you might be going

why have the things you once so believed in

faded into some gray background

what year was that when your hands finally dropped,

that thing which then slipped away unseen

what time was it that awful day

when the print just became too small

how was it that occasion you met someone from long ago

and you both saw your aging selves in each others’ faces

where were you hurrying off to just then

when you realized you really had nowhere to go at all

who died you thought seemed quite old

but was just as young as you

why does less snow fall and melt so much more quickly now

than in those colder times that we knew so well

what things unspoken, lines unread and gestures missing remain

to wake you in the night

why then if the sleep that repairs is such a basic need

do you rest so very poorly now

why should your soul persist forever more

if you live but these few blurry, wasted and forgotten years

when did you notice those things that you sought

might be standing squarely in your way

what were you doing when it hit you that

none of this could possibly really matter

how did you react the first time you knew

there were things that you could do no more

what ran through your mind when you first noticed

a task you had always planned but would never do

what happened to the places that you knew so well

which were the background to a life you no longer lead

why do things go by so much faster now

leaving questions that others more quickly answer

why did all the things you knew flow

like water through your grasping hand

where did you first veer from the road

and start stumbling through the weeds

who were those who sold you out

or took you for a fool and won without any consequence

who were the people who passed you by

when you thought you were still going places

how could it be that what is to them irrelevant, ancient history

you witnessed on TV

what was that thing you never saw

until it finally laid you low