Could I Really Be As Empty

Could I really be as empty as my daily life would lead me to believe

Could I be such a loser as the man I understand myself to be

Could I waste more resources for less reason than on the mindless habits of my existence

Could I squander time more efficiently than my obvious unconscious plan to throw my life away

Could I possibly awaken less often and still be considered to be alive

Could I perhaps find less self-loathing if I could just escape the past

Could I grow old and be steeped in wisdom if I did not find myself such a fool

Could I find consolation in this fleeting tale by ignoring the beginning and the end

Could I lay me down in hopes of sleep if I cast off this nonsense that pays the monthly bills

Could I still learn that, despite every lesson, it was not really all so tawdry and mundane

Could I salvage some scraps of meaning from these swirls of confusion amid waves of nonsense

Could I summon up all my courage, just to fail once again

Could I lose more than I bet by hoping more than trying

Could I gather all my forces and simply manage not to cry

Could I steal an extra moment through believing in my own lies

Could I really change the outcome instead of being a mere observer

Could I wait another lifetime before I perceive it's far too late

Could I stop fearing others’ motives, if I stopped questioning my own

Could I find some inner value through simply casting off my sense of worth

Could I spot an honest man by a simple comparison with myself

Could I determine truth or lie based upon who I think I am

Could I lose my hostility if I understood this anger

Could I first trust instead of mistrust, as simple as that seems to sound

Could I tell light black from shades of darker gray if I did not listen to this voice inside

Could I escape from this gripping sadness without losing what I think I know

Could I simply join the void again and just say it did not matter that I had made no difference

I Drank Too Much

The high-functioning alcoholic might have a high-powered job, strong finances, and an intact family, but...

I drank too much and one more time I swore it wouldn’t happen, ever again

But I lived for it and I planned for it and I really thought it helped to keep me going

I liked to drink alone and numbly ponder the darkness of the night

It did not matter if times were good or bad, for I drank happy and I drank sad

It helped me to hurt those who tried to love me and to despise myself as well

I drank too much but would not see that it really didn’t do me any good at all

I made sure I had a good supply even if I did not plan my meals too well

In my mind I had controlled it by letting it take control of me

I drank every day and twice on Saturdays and even more on holidays

I never missed a day of work and that’s how I measured my success

I planned my activities to leave plenty of time to spend simply drinking

I enjoyed vodka, wine, scotch and beer in their own true seasons

I sometimes awoke devoid of memories with an all-pervading sense of guilt

My head would ache and my muscles would be sore and that I called the flu

I drank too much and spent my time with others who did the same

I learned to sleep it off a while in my car before driving back towards home

I would drink with women and that made it easy to brush them off like flies

I could always pay my bills and I was never dirty, homeless and mumbling out loud

I liked to drink right before bedtime and then pass out for a while

I was a good member of the defiant class of working alcoholics

I drank too much and though I always knew, I tried not to give a damn

I would drink before going out, to save a little money

Later on I really straightened out and only drank away the weekends and holidays

Not a bit less did I live just to crawl down somewhere deep inside of the bottle

I bought the largest containers of liquor and it made me feel thrifty and secure

I would hate it when I would remember arriving somewhere but not driving home

I’d take my vitamins, ibuprofen, water and exercise to try and kill the hangovers

I never blamed anything on anybody, I knew my problems were my own

I drank too much but now I find, much to my surprise, I can’t drink so much at all

Black Hole

A darkness so powerful that it swallows all incoming light which can never escape

I spin around its gaping, beckoning but absolutely empty center like some doomed spiral galaxy

So that is fracked because this is broken and therefore so am I and thus it all makes a tortured sense

And actually I don’t care because nothing makes any difference, so it cannot really matter

More than any simple sadness, it is a hole deeper than we can fathom and as dark as empty space

It is the wide maw of an oncoming and inescapable, empty and unconscious forever

Shortly, these tiny, ego-driven moments will be vaporized into some blind and ultimate equality

Every gesture futile, all struggles useless, each gain pointless - given the looming, infinite backdrop

Pathetic and foolish to dwell upon, yet so overwhelmingly puerile that it cannot simply be ignored

Every direction leads to a dead end, all the doors are locked but, nonetheless, lead to empty rooms

The past was wasted and useless, the future is pointlessly repetitious - so it’s all so very hopeless

There is simply nowhere to hide and all their bright fantasies evaporate as I enter my own Black Hole

Took a wrong turn somewhere

Took a wrong turn somewhere off in the cold and dark

Missed the right cutoff real late on that foggy first night

Left the group to look at something shiny

Lost my way nosing about in the weeds

Stepped aside for just one moment

Turned around and you were gone

Stopped to rest and fell behind

Lost the trail as the rain grew chill

Did not pick up where I had left off

Pulled one loose thread and it all unraveled

Took my best shot and got my bell rung, real good

Followed some unmarked shortcut to a boring dead-end

Got driven crazy but then found out that road went in circles

Did not see the signpost where I was supposed to turn

Went out too far and could not swim in

Strayed from the herd and lost the beaten path

Got out front early and broke the wind for the pack

Tired out quickly and fell way off to the back

Somehow lost my place and had to start all over again

Stood for a long time waiting in the wrong line

Fell asleep at the wheel while driving on empty

stayed outside at night for way too long in the rain
could not rest in the darkness and after that, overslept

even missed the deadline for just signing up

dropped the ball on another important project

came up short on the final audit

hatched a plot that quickly spun awry

gambled too much on their harebrained schemes

lost precious time on unexpected detours

turned around three times, laid down and just went to sleep

read a book and missed my station

never would stop to ask for directions

followed a pig-track to a high fence

became an expert at cutting all the wrong corners

never really got my head on quite straight

made a lame error that cost us the game

got in pretty late but still went home quite early

took a long lunch break after perusing the news

curried favor among the losers

fawned upon those who fell from power

held beliefs that hindered my promotions

made statements that upset the tight office team

erased all the good, trying to correct the bad

killed all the flowers right along with the weeds

saved some time but lost a lot of money

knelt to pray but thought about work

stopped to ponder and then was fired

tried to speak despite my age

fought off sleep for all to see

foolishly asked the questions they deliberately left unspoken

made a joke at the wrong moment

talked too loud at some important event

stole a horny glance at the wrong woman

fired under uncertain circumstance

stayed out in the sun too long and too often

bathed too much in others’ dirty water

somehow lost sight of company goals

did not conform like a good team player

took no joy in group weenie roasts

sadly, found no pleasure in playing golf

became bored and restless when things grew routine

poked noisily around outside my concerns

quickly changed channels from important messages

turned off too soon from those in control

thought too much of those faroff Ort clouds

spent too much time pondering the infinitesimal

created belief systems shared with nobody else

expected that reason could, in the end, actually prevail

could not support so-called corporate ‘leaders’

went far below and did not re-surface

would not suffer political correctness

never gained traction for my silent agenda

never thought to pray as I lay me down to sleep

forgot to count all of my wayward little sheep

always tried to take the next curve even faster

read too much into the mystery shapes of clouds

stayed too long in some far off land of my dreams

felt too little for the brothers that I worked too hard

foolishly read instead of just watching television

was taught to question but got paid to shut up and obey

took a little time off but did not spend it well

could only despise the corporate agenda

swallowed the hook instead of simply chewing the bait

totally fooled instead of being merely entertained

threw wild punches instead of ducking

a little lost calf that would not bleat

went out the wrong door, never looking back

stayed on the high road beyond the last town

spent more time on the grammar than pondering the meaning

crawled off to die without being hurt

had the right-of-way but I still got flattened

took too much time making my own music

looked away when the flash went off

could not keep my eye on the ball

remained quite blind to the needs of others

was pretty satisfied to just be alone

made loud comments that others deemed inappropriate

swelled with an anger that hindered my progress

always worked towards some fuzzy future something

left standing behind where they do not mow

thought for myself and was ignored

questioned authority and got cuffed quickly down

took my time and finished last

smelled the roses until they all wilted

lived for the moment and my time ran out quickly

held back nothing and grew quite empty

knelt to pray but looked around

stood outside and smoked instead of listening

drove all night in the same city

woke up too early without much to do

found a voice that was both foul and brutal

never outgrew the child inside

went to sleep to the sound of truck traffic

woke up early and smelled the diesel fumes

saw pale sunshine through dirty windows

combed thru the trash that lined all the roads

crept up beside those recently departed

never knowing if it was them or maybe it was me

I Am Filthy Poor

dropped but not picked up

ground in and never mopped

broken down and left unrepaired

foul smelling but long-accepted

gotten dirty with no thought of cleaning

carelessly discarded from a tired bus

washed down again with dirty water

smeared once more by septic rags

rubbed too often with fouled fingers

cleansed only by their grimy sweat

sandal feet deep-caked with dirt

poison trash burning 24x7

discarded mountains of drinking plastic

runoff tainted by human wastes

fed off plastics dropped in place

got a cellphone and dirty underwear

living large robbing tourists

totally used to things decaying

accustomed to wet toilet floors

waving flies off cold street food

ignoring things that climb the wall

made poorer still by accepting filth

There is no final resting place

There is nothing you can turn to

There is no one you can talk to

There is nowhere that you can hide

There is no office to complain to

There is no place that you can go to

There is no shade from the sun

There is no hope that you can cling to

There are no ideas that will save you

There is no shelter from the storm

There is no fence that can separate you

There is no army that will protect you

There is no new product you can try

There is no cure for you to take

There is no path that leads to safety

There is no reason to be hopeful

There are no books to see you through

There will never be a judgment day

There is neither heaven, not to mention hell

There is no more love when you are gone

There are no more friends after the end

There will be no one there to greet you

There is no place to store your memories

There is no such as heavenly afterlife

There will be nothing else to see

There are no warm, bright lights of home

There is no one waiting somewhere to see you

There is no path to a goal that does not exist

There is no final victory despite any struggle

There is nothing you can fight against

There is no more need for gentle humor

There is no sanctuary that can protect you

There is nothing finished when you are done

There is nothing that you really have to do

There is no personal effect that can long be measured

There is no hope for the future of any species

There is no possibility of our moral surrender

There is no reason that you should worry

There is only this, the briefest shadow cast

There are no rewards for being righteous

There is no punishment that awaits all the evil

There is a void without description

There is endless time that passes by without you

There is dust of unknown content scattered thru the cosmos

There is this light we see that shone so long ago

There is one spark among a trillion in a vast explosion

There is that last moment before a river joins the sea

There is no journey that you must take

There is no need to be prepared

There is no happily ever after

There is not even time that can be lost

There is no reason to be civil

There is no justification for any cruelty

There is no point to being angry

There is no happiness that can last

There is no role that you were born to play

There is no such time as “in the end”

There is no shining city on a hill

There is no cause for which men should die

There is no point to our destruction

There is no mandate from the heavens

There is no emotion with external meaning

There is no being guiding nature

There is no companion who will always be there

There is only one escape from that loneliness

There is no reason to respect others

There is no justification for lawless acts

There is no way to escape the cycle

There is no family where you are headed

There are no grounds for religious beliefs

There is neither a sad nor happy ending

There is no joy at your destruction

There is only life that knows not why

There is no gate that you must open

There is no bridge where you can safely cross

There is no pasture where you can safely graze

There is but darkness willing to accept you

There is no sign that you can search for

There is an unfolding, revealing nothing

There is no prayer that can be heard

There is true emptiness that cannot answer

There is no voice that could speak with you

There is silence which will enfold you

There is no loyalty that will earn your freedom

There is absolute equality in the void

There is no sin left when we are gone

There is always time to do what is right

There is no ecosystem to support our eternal souls

There is room among grains of cosmic dust

There is no tale that will be told forever

There is no excuse for wasting time

There is no garden filled with virgins

There is no reason to kill for god

There is no painting when we are not looking

There is no writing as you drop the book

There is no goal that you must strive for

There is no importance in the vast, yet empty

There is no rewarding afterlife for the weak or the poor

There is great equality of matter, in the spatial darkness

There is no final summing up

There is no one pointing you the way

There is this unknown from which you sprang

There is still its yawning chasm

There is no secret source of untapped strength

There is only cosmic wonder which spins the head

There is no loss that can effect you

There is no profit that can help you

There is no more barefoot boy who wanders

There is a spirit that fades, long before forever

There is this nothing you cannot imagine

There is only this interval to be considered

There is no leader you can follow

There is nowhere to take your wisdom

There are feelings that deceive us

There is short comfort in our faith

There are no reasons for those who suffer

There is no meaning outside our cultures

There is no need for us to be here

There is nothing left of each word I read

There is no tool that you can order

There is no offer to take advantage of

There is influence you can leave behind on others

There is no avoiding a slide into oblivion

There is a music made by the wind

There are no hands that play the instrument

There appears to be reason in the web of life

There is no guidance behind the scenes

There is harmony in our discoveries of the cosmos

There is no reason to a seek deeper meaning

There is an ancient rhythm to the earthly cycles

There is time uncountable after this earth has gone

There is no final resting place

There is only the scattering of a pitiless entropy

There is no god who somewhere awaits

There is no reward for the strength of our faith

There is no point to your grandchildren

There is an end to your line, not long from now

There is a reason we must hold to moral values

There is nothing they can be judged against

There is now a purpose to having clean air

There will be none when our sun is no more

There is a reason for the packs lonely howling

There is no action that takes us any farther

There is a difference between drops of rain

There is a way to identify grains of sand

There is a tiny planet temporarily holding fragile life forms

There is no way our imagination can fill the endless void