Showing posts with label not making a difference. Show all posts
Showing posts with label not making a difference. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

If I Had Nothing To Say


If I had nothing to say
I have said it all already
If I was born to be a nobody
I succeeded right from the start

If I was fated to do nothing
I have finished that already
If I was to be a loser
I was the first to come in last

If I was always a fool
I don't have to try anymore
If I went to hell as they bade me
I must certainly know the way

If I was simply worthless
I always understood my intrinsic value
If I had nowhere to go
I am already there

If I never had someone to meet
I have already met them
If I never had a thing to offer
I had already given it all up

If I never had a future
I have lived it all already
If I never had a chance
I need not fear any risk

If I have nothing left to show for
I am completely invisible at this time
If I knew not where I was going
I have not the slightest idea where I am

If I am one in a million
I know there must be uncountable millions
If I had no direction
All ways must be the same

If I was a quitter
I quit before I even started
If I had no potential
I have still done my very best

If I lost my way
it never slowed me down
If I always lived in the past
it is all over now

If I swallowed all my pride
that was not what made me fat
If I would not try hard enough
It was not all that easy

If I did not listen
I have heard it all in any case
If I had no guidance
I could not stray from the path

If I knew it all
it has left but little behind
If I wasted my best years
at least I don't remember

If I remained quite ignorant
I knew it all along
If I lacked a spine
It did not hurt to be stepped upon

If I was filled with self-contempt
how could my life be so very empty?
If I had lost my marbles
it was without a point of reference

If I were woeful and insecure
I was too afraid to say it
If my dreams were all in technicolor
I never knew black from white in reality

If I could not plan ahead
any and all actions were the same
If I lost my head
I found it filled with regrets

If I always heard only never
I easily escaped all futures
If I had been an angry young man
I morphed into a bitter old fool

If I had no sense at all
the world made perfect sense to me
If I did not use my head
I did not have to think about it

If I was not worth a damn
I really could not help them, anyway

My Life Of Whispers


Stored up a poisonous rage and acidic resentment deep inside myself over external injustices
Bristled as the less timid squeaked out their shortsighted, greedy and furtive leadership deception
Lay in bed late at night and remade the world, got up tired and went tamely off again to my dull job
Grew hoarse deep inside from shouting out the truth, without even raising the slightest whisper

Too timid to open my mouth when it counted, too afraid to really stand up for anything at all
Too insecure to be a leader, too little self-confidence to try for even the second-best schools
Unable to push my way under the lights, wrapped up too tightly in my own silly phobias
Too often called a nothing when I was quite young, drilled on my inabilities, time and again

Too long alone with self-ingrained reproaches, mine was a life of whispers, no one else should hear
Too much time wasted on a foolish depression, overly attentive to meaningless internalities
Afraid to speak out thinking I might sound as stupid as them, yet poisoned by my own angry silence
Peeping shrill protests, but only to myself, shamed into empty muteness by my screaming insecurity

Too willing to just let them rape and waste, con and steal, defile and then righteously pontificate
Cowed into an uneasy and guilty silence by the deeply ground-in knowledge that they are my betters
Unable to be driven by greed and insecurity to back-bite, face-step and ass-kiss my way to the top
Railing only to myself in the empty solitude of long nights, but without releasing the smallest sound

Responding to atrocities, extinctions and propaganda with the merest shake of my head
Harboring secret plans to someday stand up for what I never actually stated out loud I believed in
Too happily turning over mind and senses to endless channel flipping and video games
Abbreviating my thought into chopped soundbite nonsense, constantly tweeting and texting

Never dared organize, distill and commit my complaints publicly for fear of a just ridicule
Jealously would not support others who spoke out, but kept my own words jumbled up inside
Too crippled by internal contradictions to ever get to my feet on my own and speak out at all
Too deeply mired in self-loathing to get beyond a mute mediocrity they treated as tacit acceptance

Lecturing, tutoring and even preaching, but only ever to myself, and just when I was alone
Able to see my own internal contradictions well enough to keep them balled up inside
A life of impotent whispering in dark halls that was never really meant for other’s ears at all
Forced to think in shouts over the idiot noise that gradually drove me deaf, even on the inside

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Finally gave up asking why



Never knew why he struck that other man so hard with that jagged piece of metal
Something always came over them and they had this overwhelming urge to just lash out

No reason was found when they shot all those men then gang raped their women
It was a long-simmering feud between two genetically identical groups in different clothes

Never knew why we kicked in their faces and then laughed as they lay bleeding
Many years later it seemed like just one more lowly task in another bad job

Did not understand why soldiers abused us and left us in poverty, with bastard children
They could not see our simple need for mercy and sweet grace in time to help

Always wondered about tossing plague dead inside those besieged castles
Was it the same reason we gave the Indians those smallpox-ridden blankets?

Had not a clue why they skewered us on sticks covered with their own shit
Would not ask why we showered them with napalm and agent orange

Never knew why that laughing Asian boy lost half a leg to an old land mine
Failed to comprehend that she stuffed her newborn into an empty milk carton

Tried to make sense of drugged children on rampages with machine guns
Could not give any reasons for their after school torture of that stray cat

Did not find a single flaw in the convoluted logic of the mass murderer
Lacked any sense that evil needed to fear any retribution now or in any future

Did not have any excuses for molesting those they entrusted me to teach
Found it useless to question my need to drink myself into dementia

Asked all the wise men why they did not act to put an end to war at last
Never knew why hatred came much faster and easier than simple kindness

Surprised by my discovery of the hidden list of those I would gladly kill
Could not side with the Hutus or the Tutsis, the Sunnis or the Shiites

Did not reflect upon the soulless corporate slaughter of the chickens, pigs and cows
Did not even question our need for more biological, nuclear and chemical weapons

Never knew why he wound up punching his wife until she cried and begged
Refused to see the violent cycle they always began following once again

Had no issue with light punishment for those boys who set a lost dog on fire
After all, it was just in fun and they likely would not harm a human being...

Barely skimmed short filler paragraph on the weekly killing of one more homeless vet
Ignored the righteous fury that goaded others to bomb abortion clinics

Never knew why he was instantly filled with terrible rage, sitting alone in his car
Did not ask how generations of the sons of single mothers filled up our prisons

Shook my head and strapped on a bomb to die killing civilian infidels for His glory
Could not imagine any deity that would leave those children bleeding on the street

Gave up wondering how the church spent the money given by the poor
How quickly he forgot the 20 illegales who suffocated inside his van in the desert

Was faintly surprised by the rape of starving refugees in filthy desert camps
Saw as their bloated babies witnessed with flies in their eyes

Did not question that a god of love and mercy demanded so many deaths
Never even considered that being rich did not require being wasteful

Never cared that automatic rifles were easier to obtain than vaccinations
Did not ask about why our peace loving democracy exported so many weapons

Was not too curious why the old and helpless were beaten, conned and robbed
Raised no issues over aiding brutally repressive dictatorships - for many decades

Never asked why education was required for driving but not for having children
Was confused for just a moment hearing that foreigners sold their own internal organs

Did not need to ask any questions as faraway oceans were stripped of life
Did not understand how AIDS orphans could turn to child prostitution

Never knew why fanatics around the world would hate us with such virulence
Heard with their hearts as their Creator denied those Godless evolutionists

Was slightly bemused about the fuzzy thinkers pushing their climate hoax
Had not the time to consider the depth of poverty all across the world

Observed in disbelief the power of one musty book as the universe expanded at light speed
Was not concerned that oil, water, air and land vanished quickly...worldwide

Watched unwanted girls arrive from china as our fatherless black boys grew up in jail
Rode in windows-up, air-conditioned comfort past dirty slums filled with lazy, shiftless sinners

Never even pondered how global corporate consolidation might actually advance human society
Did not realize how many drank and bathed just below where others shit

Never cared a bit when they stopped seeking the wisdom and advice of their elders
Were not interested in asking their merciful God why war was simply part of their nature

Had no time to actually consider their goals but always looked to achieve them even faster
Did not find any real answers among the heavy reams of fine print legalese

Just didn’t quite see how our traffic jams ruined the lifestyle of the polar bear
Did not really notice as earth’s richness was ever so thoughtlessly stripped away

Never considered seriously that man was a product of nature just like all the other animals
Could not grasp why billions hauled wood and water every day for cooking and drinking

Never knew why such as PCBs and asbestos, lead and mercury caused such a fuss
Was not convinced by junk science astrophysics but totally bought into religious fundamentalism

Was not too concerned with the distant genocide of those who lived in landfills
Did not question that the righteous joined their savior forever in a heavenly paradise

Could not see the reason that armed men led her quiet husband off that day
Quit bothering to ask the padre why the lord would permit this awful thing or that

Kept finding so little reason in those many life and death situations
Searched for any meaning left in the rubble from the bomb that killed that little girl

Finally gave up asking why they had to shoot at different soldiers every day
Never knew why her little puppy had to run out in front of that speeding car

Kept trying to get us to believe that their getting richer trickled down to help the poor
Never did help those smiling kids with their dirty clothes, greasy hair and muddy feet

Praised the Lord and let His will be done, without posing those sticky questions
Never asked why churches ran like franchises yet paid no taxes whatsoever

Never determined why country folk made alcohol, meth and opioids part of the heartland
Did not get used to those short dark strangers speaking Spanish in damn America

Never knew why one died in Iraq and another was shot dead on his porch
Took comfort in faith and gained a distracting relief from vexing mysteries

In the end did not understand why others lived on but one dollar every day
Should not have questioned why she had never heard any of those happy songbirds

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

A Slightly Above Average Man


Slightly above average, that man, a merest notch more than ordinary
Just smart enough to see how boring and useless was the nature of his life
Mired deeply in common torture with his mouth barely clearing the muck of mediocrity

Sentenced to be able to fully grasp the futility of his present,
Seeing the waste that is his past and predicting the folly in his future
Yes, able to see and understand, but no, not able to control or to alter

Consciousness of this simple absolute truth brings on a muted disappointment
Yet another former would-be, still not quite sure what, might-have-been
Above average but also not possessed of that great drive to riches or to power

A man above the average, but not nearly enough, and that he knows for sure
Not head and shoulders above the crowd but, frustratingly, almost above eye level
A notch above the masses, but so far below those he must always look up to

just a ittle more than average, man, just enough to really know his place
Just enough for sad regrets, just enough to be able to see his shortcomings
Just barely above enough to catch a glimmer of what his betters contest

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Would you really do something meaningful?



Are you so sure it ends up all the same that the toxics in your wake are easy to forget
Are you just as good as dead but still wasting resources while steadily increasing your debt
Do things seem to be moving faster though you are slowing down
Is there another sound bite to be swallowed every time you turn around

Are you absolutely convinced you could make no difference so you’ve nothing to regret
Why must you wantonly and guiltlessly smash and grab just as goddamn much as you can get
Do you live just for today, without any history, or even memory of the past
Are you striving to go for the gusto but merely gaining weight way, way too fast

Is it really just that you are so sure you can’t do anything that matters, anyhow
Is it all so overwhelming that you must just lay there flipping channels on the couch
Are you too old, too ugly or too poor to take part in this orgy of mass consumption
Does your anger spiral down into thinner layers of increasingly-black depression

Would you really do something meaningful if you were simply given just one more chance
Are you standing up for your beliefs or aping some advertiser’s well-scripted stance
Is there truly nothing you can do or is it way easier to float than to try to make a difference
Is it the end of the world or just a bunch of wacko conspiracy, junk-science nonsense

Have you found your true calling or are you just fiddling with your iPod
Are you quite positive that it all gets done with a cynical smirk, a wink and a nod
How many different ways have you found to say real loud that you just don’t give a fuck
How is it that your success to date really differs from plain and simple, dumb luck

Are you rushing hard and ever faster at goals that you have never even specified
Did you go out to contemplate the cold black emptiness and run back, quite petrified
Do you trust that blind individual hyper-patriotic greed earns the blessing of your god
Or is there a sense that the movers and the shakers are all part of some greater fraud