My Life Of Whispers

Stored up a poisonous rage and acidic resentment deep inside myself over external injustices

Bristled as the less timid squeaked out their shortsighted, greedy and furtive leadership deception

Lay in bed late at night and remade the world, got up tired and went tamely off again to my dull job

Grew hoarse deep inside from shouting out the truth, without even raising the slightest whisper

Too timid to open my mouth when it counted, too afraid to really stand up for anything at all

Too insecure to be a leader, too little self-confidence to try for even the second-best schools

Unable to push my way under the lights, wrapped up too tightly in my own silly phobias

Too often called a nothing when I was quite young, drilled on my inabilities, time and again

Too long alone with self-ingrained reproaches, mine was a life of whispers, no one else should hear

Too much time wasted on a foolish depression, overly attentive to meaningless internalities

Afraid to speak out thinking I might sound as stupid as them, yet poisoned by my own angry silence

Peeping shrill protests, but only to myself, shamed into empty muteness by my screaming insecurity

Too willing to just let them rape and waste, con and steal, defile and then righteously pontificate

Cowed into an uneasy and guilty silence by the deeply ground-in knowledge that they are my betters

Unable to be driven by greed and insecurity to back-bite, face-step and ass-kiss my way to the top

Railing only to myself in the empty solitude of long nights, but without releasing the smallest sound

Responding to atrocities, extinctions and propaganda with the merest shake of my head

Harboring secret plans to someday stand up for what I never actually stated out loud I believed in

Too happily turning over mind and senses to endless channel flipping and video games

Abbreviating my thought into chopped soundbite nonsense, constantly tweeting and texting

Never dared organize, distill and commit my complaints publicly for fear of a just ridicule

Jealously would not support others who spoke out, but kept my own words jumbled up inside

Too crippled by internal contradictions to ever get to my feet on my own and speak out at all

Too deeply mired in self-loathing to get beyond a mute mediocrity they treated as tacit acceptance

Lecturing, tutoring and even preaching, but only ever to myself, and just when I was alone

Able to see my own internal contradictions well enough to keep them balled up inside

A life of impotent whispering in dark halls that was never really meant for other’s ears at all

Forced to think in shouts over the idiot noise that gradually drove me deaf, even on the inside

Finally gave up asking why

Never knew why he struck that other man so hard with that jagged piece of metal

Something always came over them and they had this overwhelming urge to just lash out

No reason was found when they shot all those men then gang raped their women

It was a long-simmering feud between two genetically identical groups in different clothes

Never knew why we kicked in their faces and then laughed as they lay bleeding

Many years later it seemed like just one more lowly task in another bad job

Did not understand why soldiers abused us and left us in poverty, with bastard children

They could not see our simple need for mercy and sweet grace in time to help

Always wondered about tossing plague dead inside those besieged castles

Was it the same reason we gave the Indians those smallpox-ridden blankets?

Had not a clue why they skewered us on sticks covered with their own shit

Would not ask why we showered them with napalm and agent orange

Never knew why that laughing Asian boy lost half a leg to an old land mine

Failed to comprehend that she stuffed her newborn into an empty milk carton

Tried to make sense of drugged children on rampages with machine guns

Could not give any reasons for their after school torture of that stray cat

Did not find a single flaw in the convoluted logic of the mass murderer

Lacked any sense that evil needed to fear any retribution now or in any future

Did not have any excuses for molesting those they entrusted me to teach

Found it useless to question my need to drink myself into dementia

Asked all the wise men why they did not act to put an end to war at last

Never knew why hatred came much faster and easier than simple kindness

Surprised by my discovery of the hidden list of those I would gladly kill

Could not side with the Hutus or the Tutsis, the Sunnis or the Shiites

Did not reflect upon the soulless corporate slaughter of the chickens, pigs and cows

Did not even question our need for more biological, nuclear and chemical weapons

Never knew why he wound up punching his wife until she cried and begged

Refused to see the violent cycle they always began following once again

Had no issue with light punishment for those boys who set a lost dog on fire

After all, it was just in fun and they likely would not harm a human being...

Barely skimmed short filler paragraph on the weekly killing of one more homeless vet

Ignored the righteous fury that goaded others to bomb abortion clinics

Never knew why he was instantly filled with terrible rage, sitting alone in his car

Did not ask how generations of the sons of single mothers filled up our prisons

Shook my head and strapped on a bomb to die killing civilian infidels for His glory

Could not imagine any deity that would leave those children bleeding on the street

Gave up wondering how the church spent the money given by the poor

How quickly he forgot the 20 illegales who suffocated inside his van in the desert

Was faintly surprised by the rape of starving refugees in filthy desert camps

Saw as their bloated babies witnessed with flies in their eyes

Did not question that a god of love and mercy demanded so many deaths

Never even considered that being rich did not require being wasteful

Never cared that automatic rifles were easier to obtain than vaccinations

Did not ask about why our peace loving democracy exported so many weapons

Was not too curious why the old and helpless were beaten, conned and robbed

Raised no issues over aiding brutally repressive dictatorships - for many decades

Never asked why education was required for driving but not for having children

Was confused for just a moment hearing that foreigners sold their own internal organs

Did not need to ask any questions as faraway oceans were stripped of life

Did not understand how AIDS orphans could turn to child prostitution

Never knew why fanatics around the world would hate us with such virulence

Heard with their hearts as their Creator denied those Godless evolutionists

Was slightly bemused about the fuzzy thinkers pushing their climate hoax

Had not the time to consider the depth of poverty all across the world

Observed in disbelief the power of one musty book as the universe expanded at light speed

Was not concerned that oil, water, air and land vanished quickly...worldwide

Watched unwanted girls arrive from china as our fatherless black boys grew up in jail

Rode in windows-up, air-conditioned comfort past dirty slums filled with lazy, shiftless sinners

Never even pondered how global corporate consolidation might actually advance human society

Did not realize how many drank and bathed just below where others shit

Never cared a bit when they stopped seeking the wisdom and advice of their elders

Were not interested in asking their merciful God why war was simply part of their nature

Had no time to actually consider their goals but always looked to achieve them even faster

Did not find any real answers among the heavy reams of fine print legalese

Just didn’t quite see how our traffic jams ruined the lifestyle of the polar bear

Did not really notice as earth’s richness was ever so thoughtlessly stripped away

Never considered seriously that man was a product of nature just like all the other animals

Could not grasp why billions hauled wood and water every day for cooking and drinking

Never knew why such as PCBs and asbestos, lead and mercury caused such a fuss

Was not convinced by junk science astrophysics but totally bought into religious fundamentalism

Was not too concerned with the distant genocide of those who lived in landfills

Did not question that the righteous joined their savior forever in a heavenly paradise

Could not see the reason that armed men led her quiet husband off that day

Quit bothering to ask the padre why the lord would permit this awful thing or that

Kept finding so little reason in those many life and death situations

Searched for any meaning left in the rubble from the bomb that killed that little girl

Finally gave up asking why they had to shoot at different soldiers every day

Never knew why her little puppy had to run out in front of that speeding car

Kept trying to get us to believe that their getting richer trickled down to help the poor

Never did help those smiling kids with their dirty clothes, greasy hair and muddy feet

Praised the Lord and let His will be done, without posing those sticky questions

Never asked why churches ran like franchises yet paid no taxes whatsoever

Never determined why country folk made alcohol, meth and opioids part of the heartland

Did not get used to those short dark strangers speaking Spanish in damn America

Never knew why one died in Iraq and another was shot dead on his porch

Took comfort in faith and gained a distracting relief from vexing mysteries

In the end did not understand why others lived on but one dollar every day

Should not have questioned why she had never heard any of those happy songbirds

A Slightly Above Average Man

Slightly above average, that man, a merest notch more than ordinary

Just smart enough to see how boring and useless was the nature of his life

Mired deeply in common torture with his mouth barely clearing the muck of mediocrity

Sentenced to be able to fully grasp the futility of his present,

Seeing the waste that is his past and predicting the folly in his future

Yes, able to see and understand, but no, not able to control or to alter

Consciousness of this simple absolute truth brings on a muted disappointment

Yet another former would-be, still not quite sure what, might-have-been

Above average but also not possessed of that great drive to riches or to power

A man above the average, but not nearly enough, and that he knows for sure

Not head and shoulders above the crowd but, frustratingly, almost above eye level

A notch above the masses, but so far below those he must always look up to

just a ittle more than average, man, just enough to really know his place

Just enough for sad regrets, just enough to be able to see his shortcomings

Just barely above enough to catch a glimmer of what his betters contest

Mass Anger Mismanagement

we are angry at the grocery store, we rage alone in our financed automobiles

we are incensed at our inability to control even our own stupid feelings

our lack of control scares us enough to keep a pistol close beneath the car seat

we cannot swear, we cannot fight, but our resentment festers deep inside

mad that we are failures by the glib advertising standards that they force-feed us

our long sought-after calm shatters in a violent hypertensive instant

there is conflict in the predawn traffic, we awaken bitter late at night

heated disagreements brew during the happiest of family celebrations

diners are at each other’s throats while seated at their supposed leisure

people calmly riding bicycles gesture obscenely at the passing traffic

there is swearing at the televisions and the opinions on the gonzo radio

arguments erupt into violence over short walk fast-food parking slots

family members remain enraged for days over trivia they had forgotten

strangers grow too close, too quickly, in the bonds of instant violence

workers nurse bitter resentment and smilingly attack each other’s backs

sweet little mommies command replicas of paramilitary vehicles to shepherd kiddies

we hate the crowds that we must fight, we hate the fact that we are sheep

we resent being controlled by faceless, spineless corporate billionaires

we hate the perfect television roles that we can never hope to play

we despise the weakness and incompetence we perceive within ourselves

things heat up when we are drinking and domestic violence erupts

children push our buttons and become subjects of hysterical abuse

tax and spenders infuriate us with their godless fuzzy maths and junk science

so-called conservatives upset us, greedily slashing & burning everything in sight

fundamentalists rear back with the righteous wrath of god within them

ordinary people reflexively react to the latest gov’t bogeyman advisory

the middle-aged fume against those who have no cares but still have beauty

the young despise their worn-out elders but covet their possessions

the crowds are driven like the jews, for everything must be done in a hurry

the slightest inconvenience and it all goes up in anger and uncertainty

we break things if they don’t work right and call them dirty names

even sorority girls lay awake nights plotting revenge over a multitude of slights

retirees rant about the newspaper and then just try to take a few deep breaths

endless mental replays ensure that we can neither forgive nor forget

we rage about things that do not even affect us and that we absolutely cannot control

we raise blood pressure while relaxing with chants of woulda, coulda and shoulda

our children watch us hyperventilate over issues trivial and unimportant

and wonder why we castigate them when they raise their voices

men often think that killing something would bring them great relief

then, at certain times in our self-reflection we are shamed by what we see

the blindness and stupidity of other people almost drives us crazy

the more we dwell upon some trivial incident, the angrier we get

our path must be truly trying since we find that we must flail our docile pets

sometimes a simple stoplight can bring on suicidal regrets

just the sight of neighbors bringing changes to the place we live

might throw us into a state of rage we never truly comprehend

impotent husbands angrily try to control every move their spouses make

this merely a reaction to the helplessness that they know so well inside

children lash out at each other even before they learn to walk

when they are just a little older we teach them how to kill for real

surely anger is our natural state since that is how we find ourselves most often

therefore, heart attacks and strokes must surely be, measures of enlightenment

our anger must be well inbred, just look at the dogs that we have created

a Lab will never bite you, but never trust a pit bull

the angry man is a survivor, he kills and then he mates

thusly do his genes live on, but he dies full of violence, hatred and resentment

getting mad about being so mad is quite maddening in itself

then after anger overflows, there comes this stupid sense of guilt

still, despite our best intentions, we observe ourselves at it once again

trapped in a damned and miserable cycle, continuous and out of control

we despise those who are like us and hate those who are different

we resent the strong, revile the weak, and hate the old and the young, as well

voices on the telephone are quick to grow impatient

misunderstood intentions bring on anger which harms our relations every day

there are quarrels in the churches, factions struggle in the government

brothers stand against one other and strangers bond in instant hatred

attitudes are cultivated with an eye towards antagonism

opinions are expressed with an eye towards spurring conflict

opposing groups are brought together and baited like bulls and bears

deliberate attempts stir up controversy merely to provoke a nasty spat

we have these wars on poverty and terror that we must all take part in

and this guerrilla war on science and education that we will surely win...

politicians often tap into sources of public disaffection

pushing buttons to manipulate opinions and to reap emotional votes

fueling up on caffeine and dissatisfaction we go forth to fight out our daily lives

late at night the best can only mumble in confusion, sadly asking for forgiveness